here’s to the last day of my past, and the first day of my future…

1 Jun

Well, folks, the day has arrived. This day being my very last day in my current job. I have to tell you, I’m a bit of a mess. I really thought I’d be bouncing off of the walls, excited for what’s next. But, instead, I’m on the verge of tears. I have been going over this in my head – attempting to sort out why the heck I’m such a girl this morning. But, I’m just not sure where to begin.

I’m 100% burned-out. No doubt about it. And, this change is definitely for the best. But, my career has been my identity for a long time. I’m sort of the competitive/over-achiever type when it comes to work and I’ve chased down promotion after promotion and am pretty proud of what I’ve accomplished in my twenties. So, giving that up to work part-time at a summer only job is crazy, intensely overwhelming. I mean, now when people ask me what I do, I get to say “I work part-time at a summer camp”. Then I just sound like a typical military wife who refuses to work and job-hops through seemingly pointless ventures. But, then again, putting that on paper makes me realize I’m somehow letting how I think people will respond impact how I feel about what I am doing. That has to stop, doesn’t it? Because, after all, we each get only one life (or at least, I think that’s the case…) and it is OURS to live. We have to stop living for others’ expectation, others’ happiness, others’ desires. Instead, let’s strive to live our best life and organically make those around us happy!

Leaving my job feels like giving up a security blanket. I was good at my job. I accomplished a lot and have a long list of contacts with whom I’ve become very close over the past 3.5 years. Not working with these people each week is going to be quite the adjustment, and there is something about that thought that instantly makes me feel lonely. Isn’t it odd how our work so often does become our world?

Now I have to learn something new and adapt to working with new people who may or may not decide to like and accept me. My skills, experience, and education mean nothing in this new adventure. I really have to stand on my personality and my heart here. (Doesn’t this sound a bit like I’m worried about my first day of highschool? Sheesh!)

And then…there is the money. I am literally going to make about 1/10 of what I make now – and that’s on a good week when I’m schedule for a lot of hours. Most of the time, my income will be negligible. That is a bit scary. I tell you what – I’ve read and read and read about how money doesn’t make happiness. That you must create a life you love regardless of money, and somehow things work out. I’ve prayed, meditated, and talked about this. When I made the final decision to leave a real job for a part-time summer gig, I felt that this was 100% the right thing and didn’t once stop to worry about money (which is soooo unlike me. I am a crazy worrying psycho when it comes to money. I’m often convinced the whole world is falling on me when I make a budget, regardless of how much money I do or do not have….). I absolutely HAD to follow my heart and gut and do something I felt good about. In theory, this big job change sounded like the perfect life-altering plan. In application, it’s terrifying, and quite frankly, I feel physically ill. Or dizzy. Yes, more of a dizzy feeling, most definitely.

At the end of the day – or perhaps just this post – it’s all about FAITH, isn’t it? It all comes down to faith. Faith that God does in fact have a plan. That God’s way is different than my way. Faith that my gut is leading me in the right direction. And, faith in myself. That’s a hard one. Going out on a limb and completing turning my life – and my poor  husband’s too – upside down so that I can ultimately pursue health and nutrition feels like a grey area, and I’m more of a black and white girl myself. But, surely there is a reason this passion is in me and has begun to fill every inch of my life.

I must not waiver on my belief that I am meant to do great things. That I am here to help others. That life is a never-ending process of learning and growing. I must be my biggest fan. I must persevere. I must keep believing that life is an adventure, and money is not a god.

So here’s to the last day of my past, and the first day of my future. Here’s to walking the plank and diving in. Here’s to endless possibility. And, here’s to happiness! Thanks to all of you who follow along here in my little blog world and have offered support over the past few weeks as I’m making all of these big changes. Your kind words mean so much, and help to keep my eyes focused on what’s to come!

Happy Friday everyone! Today, let us not forget that we are uniquely amazing, and here to do great things. 🙂

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One Response to “here’s to the last day of my past, and the first day of my future…”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. My life – let’s hit the highlights! « Mindful Munchies with a Military Mrs - August 16, 2012

    […] The new gig:  I’m still really loving my new job. The people I work with are fun and I totally enjoy the socializing. With my past job, I spent a […]

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